No sir, you are the one who is the liar.

So.... i don't know if you know this, but prior to Kanye West interrupting country music's latest attempt to kill itself, there was another outburst all over the news. On Wednesday september something something blah blah blah, President Barack Obama was delivering what some might call an incredibly important speech. Others might call it an hour of my life i'll never get back. During this speech, he said his health care plans would not provide care for illegal immigrants, or as the Native Americans used to call them "Europeans". It was during this fateful statement that Congresswhiteman Joe Wilson from South Carolina yelled "You lie!"

As soon as this was yelled, the room went silent, and Obama stood there staring at the camera. The camera panned to Michelle who looked to be on the verge of tears. and then the president of the united states just broke down and cried, saying "you're right! oh god what have i done?!?!?!" and from then on, no presidents ever lied again. the end.

so joe wilson yelled, and and everyone freaks outs, saying its super disrespectful. however to be fair, in South Carolina its considered disrespectful to even allow black people in the same room as whites, so really Wilson is a progressive.

Since this moment in really boring political history that won't matter in 2 let alone 20 years, Wilson has become the face of a movement. the rich, white, male face of a movement. I speak of course of the Tea Party or "rich whites who don't mind their neighbor's kids being killed for a lie, but sure as hell aren't gonna pay for that kid to be able to see a doctor" movement. i hesitate to call it a movement, but technically what i am about to leave in the toilet is a movement, so i suppose it fits.

But now that Wilson is the poster boy for things i don't care about, i figured i should give him something he really needs right now: attention.

So we all know what Wilson said to Barack Obama, but here is something you might not know, Joe Wilson's real name is Addison Graves Wilson! so right out the gate this guy is a liar. Obama should've been all "oh really ADDISON? i lie? at least i didn't change my name to "joe"! Shit, my first name sounds like a martial art, my middle name was a dictator, and my last name rhymes with a terrorist, and i got elected president of the united states. So tell me who's the liar Addison Graves Wilson sr.?!?!?!"

but obama didn't say that. and thats why the terrorists win.

but here are some other facts about joe wilson i know off the top of my head (aka wikipedia):

In 2002, Wilson was discussing with Rep. Bob Filner (D-CA) the possible (but not actual) Iraqi weapons of mass destruction or as the whole thing is now called "the mistake that we should never be forgiven for. ever."
Wilson flipped out on Filner for implying that the US sold Saddam Hussein chemical weapons back when...well back when we were in fact selling Saddam Hussein chemical weapons. Wilson later had to apologize, but i totally bet his fingers were crossed when he did.

once again to be fair, Most americans didn't know about Wikipedia until 2004 , so its totally ok that i'm a college drop-out and i know more about US foreign policy than an elected congressman.

Remember Strom Thurmond? Al Sharpton does. Strom Thurmond was a racist, segregationist senator who was elected and re-elected time and time again in, you guessed it, SOUTH CAROLINA! YAY! well, as i'm sure you all know now, it turns out that despite giving the longest filibuster (by a senator) in history to stop the Civil Rights Act of 1957,Thurmond had an secret child with his black house servant. This child, Essie-Mae Washington Williams, decided to wait until Thurmond died to reveal this to the world, which is REALLY unfortunate, because Thurmond lived to be 100 years old. This seems to be one of the truly sad ironies of our time, because if Thurmond had lived just 6 more years, he would've lived long enough to die from a heart attack from seeing a black man become president.

so what does this have to do with Wilson? Well when Essie-Mae revealed herself to be Thurmond's child, Wilson "publicly doubted" this, which is a nice way of saying he called her a liar on the news. Its not entirely clear if he yelled out "YOU LIE!" in the middle of her statement or not. Maybe he was saving that nugget of rhetorical eloquence for primetime. He then said that whether or not she was Thurmond's daughter, she should've kept it to herself, because it was just a big smear campaign to taint Thurmond. This is ironic since Thurmond was in fact a taint.

The family of Thurmond then announced that it was in fact true, Essie-Mae was Thurmond's child. So Wilson apologized. Then he said he STILL thought she shouldn't have revealed that Thurmond was her father. this is just silly. you can't apologize for something, and then just restate right afterwards and have that be ok. you can't say "i'm really sorry for calling you an asshole, but in my defense you are an asshole." thats not an apology, thats a lie, and as we all know, Joe Wilson doesn't like liars. although, apparently only if they're black. and not actually liars.


ok, now back to present-time Joe Wilson. you may think yelling "you lie!" at the president on national television would have a negative effect on someone's political future. But, within 48 hours of the incident with the president, Wilson received $750,000 in donations. which goes to show you just how fucked up this whole system is. may the circle be unbroken.

So if none of this matters, and nobody is gonna remember it in a year, why do we spend so much time on it? Why does the news cycle endless babble on about meaningless political minutia? To keep our minds away from the 2 wars (that we know about) we are fighting and shouldn't be? To keep us from ACTUALLY coming up with a solution to health care, like... giving people health care? to keep us from asking "how long until we just tear this fucker down??!?!?!"

come to think of it, those are all really good points. shit... why aren't we talking about this stuff? and why OH MY GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT KANYE DID?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! AND WHAT THE FUCK, PATRICK SWAYZE IS DEAD?!?!?!??!??!?! FIRST FARAH, THEN MICHAEL, NOW "THE SWAYZ"? LIFE IS JUST SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNFAIR!

nobody puts baby in the corner.