An idea popped into my head the other day and i want to share it with the world. I often look at other people's lives and experiences and think "damn. my life is boring, everybody else is waaaay more exciting than me."
now while this is factually accurate, its not really healthy. and so i have been wondering how to get over this. and i think i have it: pretend my life is a movie.
hear me out. in real life, when you tell your Temp agency that the one area you don't want to work is the government, and the next place they assign you is the US Courts, that is terrible. but in a movie its HILARIOUS! what's that you say? unbeknownst to you the project they made you work on the whole time turned out to be a racist program with the specific intent of railroading undocumented immigrants into prison? thats awful! oh wait its in a movie? FUNNIEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER HEARD! you obsess about wanting to lose weight, yet your diet regularly includes beer, pizza, and ice cream? CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE SPECIAL FEATURES!
it doesn't have to be depressing though. think about when there is a character you really like in a movie. they've been through some shit, right? they worked some terrible jobs, but made the best of it, right? when i think about my worst job ever, now i laugh. but it took me about 5 years to do that. it was at a movie theatre by the way. well actually its tied with the 1 hour i worked at a phone bank before walking out after hearing the 3rd person in a row call a certain current president a nasty word that starts with "N". and no its not "nincompoop"
Maybe you should imagine your life is like a TV show. The Office is one of the biggest shows on television and everybody's life on that show SUCKS! i mean sure pam and jim, blah blah blah, but lets be real: Jim has "cheater" written all over him. and eventually Pam is gonna blame Jim for her failure as an artist. but for now, its adorable!
the most important thing about your movie is that you HAVE to be the main character. this may sound arrogant, but if you start thinking of yourself as a side character it will end badly. "but wait, you're saying, what about all the side characters in movies who are great?" Doesn't matter. Sure nobody wants to be Jon Favreu's character and everyone all want to be Vince Vaughn's character in "Swingers", but for real, the character must have 27 STI's at this point. plus its so '96 to treat women like shit. Trust me, you need to be the star of your movie. The trajectory of the star is soooo much different than that of the sidekick.
For instance if your life is the 1985 film "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" and you are Sarah Jessica Parker, well done you! you will go on to have a successful life writing a column in the newspaper, buying lots of shoes, and hanging out with women you secretly hate, but pretend to be your best friends. also you marry Ferris Bueller.
However if your life is the 1985 film "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" and you are Shannen Doherty, woe is you. you will be forever known as the annoying high school kid who left a terrible show about annoying high school kids because you couldn't get along with the other annoying high school kids. you'll drink alot. you will go on play a witch on a show with other washed up actresses, and host a reality show on the Sci-Fi channel. also you will be the worst part of a Kevin Smith movie, which is saying something.
Being in you own movie is even easier now that everyone has iPods. you can have a soundtrack to your life, while you are living your life. if you are worried something terrible is about to happen to you, like someone is chasing you or broke into your house, just change your music to something happy, and i'm sure everything will be alright. but not something TOO happy, because then maybe your movie is one of those sketchy horror movies where they play over-the-top happy music while someone gets murdered. like the opening scene to "Deep Red". shit is disturbing.
now i know what you are wondering, and yes Jude Law does play me in my movie. Denzel Washington is my best friend. Judi Dench is my love interest (shut it, she rules) and my dog will be played by a bear.
also i can fly, have super strength, and know how to make a mean falafel.
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3 comments:
I like to see you this way. Made me laugh. First, jim is not a cheater. ( I think most would agree) Second, I love that you brought up Shannon. What a waste of an amazing TV show. Remember that time I got fired from Dunks... that would def be a low point in my movie. Possibly seeing a llama spit at a friend of mine this weekend could be a highlight. Anyway, just wanted to say I enjoyed this, and glad this is what you think of in your spare time. Sometimes when I'm alone on a bus or whatever here, I create a dialogue in my head. You should try this too.... like "what I could have said type of things...."
One great benefit (among others!)of having a bear play your dog, instead of just having a dog do it: dogs are notoriously difficult to control. What if someone on the set got BIT?
Yours certainly would be a great movie, one that I'd watch. Also, every single one of those links made me actually LOL. gahd.
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